My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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