Barsexuality is the new black.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
