just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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