Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
