So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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