I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
