dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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