dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i already hear my dad disowning me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
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i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
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It's blow job season.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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