apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
