The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize