I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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