she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
