Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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