you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Vodka?
Forever.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
