You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
