Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
