and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
