the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize