uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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