I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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