I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
