U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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