I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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