I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
