white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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