Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
