I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
this will be a night to untag.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Randomize
