If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
