Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
