I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
