my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
