I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
