It was confusing and full of hummus
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I believe in your delicious
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
