Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
