i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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