did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
