You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
