cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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