ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
