and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
