Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
