Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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