i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
