Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
