Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
