I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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