come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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