Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
