hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
