Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
