Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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