I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
