and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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