weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
