YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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