I think my fart just growled at me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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