i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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