omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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