just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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