After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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