I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
